URBAN GARDENING with SHARON RAVEN-TREE

Urban Gardening - May 14, 2009

Uh, I’m not sure what to say about spiritual matters. I think I’ll go back to gardening advice. Our editor didn’t bother to change the %#@* tab anyway. Oh, what the hay. Sometimes you gotta go out on a limb. I’ve been a practicing Wicca priestess for the past few years, and I must say I’m just as confused as they day I begun. It seems every time I do a spell, nothing comes of it. Still I love nature and the earth based feeling I get when I perform one, so I still keep it up. I really think I want to write about gardening again. Screw this crap.

October 21, 2008

Well, I’m almost too tired to even write this column today what with all the trimming I’ve been doing. It seems that city decided to create a law, no doubt called in by some Bozo the Clown. Now all community gardens cannot be over grown over the fences or past ten feet from the climbers on the walls. I tell you, why don’t you just shoot me it’d be less painful? Now, my muscles ache and my anger is rising and I’m working frantically to keep everything trimmed or else the city’s threatened to shut me down. This is the first lesson of running a community garden, folks: it never ends. My friend upstate, Betsy, has a goat and she offered to bring that dang goat into the city and let him have at it on the community garden. Just eat the whole thing up and I’m tempted to let her do just that. October’s always a good time to plant spring bulbs, they’ll sit all winter and then in early spring you’ll have blooms, blooms, blooms. Plant ‘em before Christmas.

October 7, 2008

Well, Mercury is in retrograde. Since I practice Wicca, you’ll know I think it’s not a good time to start anything. It’s a good time to take a much needed break, reflect in your garden and watch out for the neighborhood woman who’s trying to take all the freaking credit when you’re the one who does all the work. Ah, every thief and two bit hooker has been hanging out in my garden and it’s all I can do not to call the police. I keep saying to myself, this is for the community, but why can’t my community be a little more gentrified? Oh for pete’s sake, why can’t I just live in a white neighborhood? Ah, I dated a black woman before, I just know it’s their ways. Now October is a good time to plant hardy spring growing bulbs, it’s a good time to take away tender plants such as dahlias and gladioli. And why not do a little indoor gardening? Raking is also essential now, as you may know. It’s a good time to use the leaves as mulch.

Week of Sept. 2, 2008

Well, could this urban gardening be any more difficult? I tell you. You have people in this neighborhood who recycle as if their lives depended on it and then think nothing of driving a gas guzzling car fourteen miles to get a half gallon of milk. And will they plant a tree or help me in my garden to promote clean air and more oxygen? Hellsy nosy. But that doesn’t stop the ever loving Sharon Raven-Tree from continuing to plant, season after season, to make my neighborhood a little more beautiful and a little livelier. Speaking of lively, I don’t know who destroyed my pansies last week, but I’m telling you if I catch you, you’re going to have hell to pay, that’s for damn sure. Thinking of planting roses soon? Roses are not easy, but there are a few tips to make growing a bit easier for your urban oasis. First, plant roses that are good for your climate in the part of the country that you reside. Second, roses like to eat and drink – kinda like me – so soak their roots at least twice a week and use Epson salts and plant food about once a month. Make sure they get at least six hours of direct sunlight and remember: diseases are easier to prevent than cure. So, spray them with an anti-fungi formula often. I love all you little urban critters. - SRT

Week of August 19, 2008

Well, it’s about to be the end of summer and you know what that means? I can almost put the community garden to rest for a few months. Now, I love gardening, don’t get me wrong, but it’s also a lot of hard work and no one, but no one, seems to want to help. So this week I’ve thought of a few ways you can get your neighbors to get their butts off their sofas and pitch in and create something beautiful for once in their miserable lives. 1). Buy Chihuahuas. These little critters are cute, catch mice and will wake up any neighbor at any time. 2). Every time you see anyone in your neighborhood, ask them to join the garden. Don’t be shy. I mean, they can’t come up with twenty dollars a year to make their neighborhood beautiful for crying out loud? Remember memberships are key. 4). Find out who called the city and claimed that they saw rats coming out of the garden. I’m gonna find you and when I do…
Add some arrow wood viburnum, winterberry holly and beauty berry as shrubs to show off some nice fall colors. Sweet autumn clematis and morning light should round out the picture well. Until next week. -srt

Week of August 2, 2008

All right, this week is hot and you know what that means, that every damned Puerto Rican on the block is going to be outside running around throwing Popsicle sticks and Coke bottles into the urban community garden. You can do what I do when you see ‘em: call the cops and tell the cops that they were dealing crack. I used to try and call the cops about littering and the cops would say they’d get right on it and of course never would. Summer also always brings out some young yahoo turning on a fire hydrant and flooding the damn garden. This can cause havoc and a good urban gardener should always have a wrench handy to turn the damn thing off or to hit the young yahoo with. Now, I have been called the Martha Stewart of the Bowery, a title I’d like to keep. I think this is why the editor chose me to do gardening on this site. So, if any of you young punks thinks you’re going to destroy my garden, you better just be looking over your shoulders. Martha ain’t no push over. One good thing about this time of the year is the garden is in full bloom. Fall and Indian summer are right around the corner. It pays to take a good look around and remember how bare the land becomes in winter. Speaking of growth, I thought I would tell you a few plants to avoid for an urban garden. Mint will take over a whole garden in a year. If you must grow mint, do it in a planter. Bee Balm, although it attracts butterflies, spreads like wildfire and gets mildew in the summer. Japanese Honeysuckle will kill native plants and avoid Bishop’s Weed as it’s almost impossible to get rid of. -SRT

Week of July 20, 2008

 I tell you. As if I haven’t done enough around here. I put gravel around the trees to make them look nice. I put up plastic flowers in the hallway of my apartment building. Like a good neighbor, Sharon Raven-Tree is there. I run the community garden here and what thanks do I get? Neighbors complaining that my garden draws rats. I guess the garbage on the sidewalks has nothing to do with that. I don’t know which punk kid called the city, but I have been up to my eye teeth in paperwork trying to convince them that there are no rats to be had. Well, there have been a few, but my God. There are rats everywhere, not just in my garden. I have a feeling it was that Nazi-lover who runs the Boulevard Association who keeps talking about how our neighborhood has finally turned the corner. He didn’t even live here when the neighborhood changed. Ah, when I find out who made this report, and I will find out because I had a lover who worked for the city – a black woman – I’m going to make your life hell. So, you just be looking over your shoulder Mister Tattle Tale. My garden draws rats? Beets, celery, collards and Kale are all good to plant until the middle of August. You can, of course, wait until August, but no later than that. The plants will give you a delicious harvest. Turnips will also do nicely to plant right now. Now, the question of the week is: how do you keep teenagers away from your garden? Do what I do, erect a big fence and put a huge lock on the gate. If they climb over, call nine one one. -SRT

Week of July 12, 2008

All right the full moon will be here shortly on July 18, 2008. This means if you want to plant any fruits or veggies that bear fruit above the ground, you better do it before then. My God. Not that it matters. If you're struggling with an urban garden the way I have the last few years, you probably know that it won't matter if you plant anything above the ground. It'll most likely be destroyed by the resident crack heads and teenagers thinking your garden is some kind of playground or something. What's a girl to do? I guess I could take up sewing. It'll be a favorable time to plant collard greens and celery until July 18. Also, spinach should do nicely when planted then. After that, you should wait until August and there'll be a slew of plantings you can do then. Thinking of doing a window box? It's almost late summer, so I would recommend some sun loving plants such as dusty miller, rosemary and lavender. Wasn't there some song by Simon and Garfunkle about that? Finish that off with some airplane plant and dopewart. Should be nice. Anyway, our editor, who I live next door to, kept me up all night last night with his singing. He always yells about my dogs waking him up at five every morning. So, I say screw you! Until next week, keep planting. SRV