MONEY MATTERS with PAUL

May 14, 2009

Well, we are certainly living in interesting economic times, that’s for damn sure. There’s been a lot of talk about what’s going down, but it seems like the main thing is this: there’s no money for the middle class. Everyone’s blaming the unions in Detroit and, of course, the banks. But the unions provide people with money to spend. Most people, when they diss the unions, think of how ridiculous they've gotten. But they started out good.  If you pay someone eight dollars an hour, they’re going to rely on their banks to lend them money. And that’s what everyone’s been doing. And at thirteen percent interest, it’s not easy to pay it back. So what we really need is to create more middle class jobs. Well, duh! How about this? An average tech worker in India makes about 400000 rupees a year. That’s about eight thousand dollars. Can anyone live in this country on eight thousand dollars a year. If I didn’t owe any money, it could be done. Let’s say you live on 5% and save 95%, you would have to eliminate everything that is unnecessary in your life. If you want to keep the jobs here, we might have to learn to do just that.

November 11, 2008

Well as we know, the broker houses are a mess in this country. No question about that. But really folks. Who do you think was paying for all that national advertising for Freddie Mac? I mean, ads on TV don’t come cheap. They cost. A lot. When are the people in this country going to wake up and realize that just because someone has something on TV it doesn’t mean it’s better or that it’s valid. It simply means these people are blowing a ton of money on advertising. If they’re blowing they’re money to advertise, they’re blowing money. Period. It doesn’t make it legit. It makes it expensive. There’s a place in New York in Harlem where woman makes perfume for ten bucks. It’s the same ingredients you would find in any major department store except that it’s not advertised in Vogue. I like Vogue as much as the next guy – or girl – but whatever is in there is going to cost me more money. It’s basic.

October 21, 2008

Since James - does he really not want us to use his name - asked me to do this money column, I must admit I’ve been a bit busy reading Money magazine. For the past two years this magazine has only been WARNING THE ENTIRE COUNTRY of a major economic meltdown. And now our members of Congress are acting totally surprised. Does anyone on Capital Hill ever read Money magazine? Do the words, ‘we’re in a housing bubble that can burst any day now’ mean anything? With a discount, one can get a subscription for ten dollars a year. Ah well. I’ll ask this of you, my fellow Americans. Look around you. Does it really seem like there’s a recession going on? Sure if you look on paper, you may see some dwindling returns on your investments, but I don’t think anything’s going to happen. What’s paper? This is a free market economy. We’ll bounce back. So relax. George W. Bush is in control here, folks. If he can’t save us no one can! That being said, I’d like to start you off with a little exercise today to help with your investments: don’t think about them at all! Get them out of your head completely. It’s probably too hard for you to understand anyway unless, like me, you have an economic degree. Just sit back and let some guy in a suit take care of all your needs. This is why Men’s Warehouse is in business. To sell people suits so they have the appearance that they know what they’re doing. That’s why we have brokers: to help you take away the worry of having to think and do things for yourself. So, they’ve done such a fine job, I say let these gentlemen continue. Now, if you are interested in saving a buck, I can tell you how do that. Start by paying yourself first. Pay all those other bastards later and if your credit hurts, well, who cares? You don’t think there are plenty of people out there with bad credit? Why do you think they invented bankruptcy? To help us pay ourselves first. We’re American, damnit, we’re number one. Do like everyone else. Don’t be responsible and then when there’s a crisis, demand that your government pay for it. Until next week: I’m Paul.

 Paul, you better call me soon. I need your writing.

--editor